Recently I have been reading a lot of posts on matador network and other travel blogs, how to piss off a person from ‘here’, how to piss off a person from ‘there’, etc. So I came with my own version – How to piss off my countrymen i.e Indians.
Bull$hit them about cricket
Cricket is religion in India and the players are looked upon as Gods. Indians can do anything to watch a match of cricket even at expense of bunking a day the office or school.
Buy a ticket to a cricket match, there is some kind of match that happens everyday. Find a seat among a passionate group and start complaining that – “Cricket is a boring game and not many countries prefer to play cricket. It takes five days to play a test match and the normal match takes seven long hours”. Gradually turn the casual conversation into a heated affair by praising the Pakistan cricket team.
A cricket match at Eden Gardens, Kolkata. Photo Source
Complain about arranged marriage
Go to an Indian marriage and start a topic concerning arranged marriages that they are a non-sense, while you enjoy the delicious food. Go the extra length and ask them something like – “Do arranged marriages work?” or “The marriage is the parents decision and not the couple’s decision though the couple do not like each other they are forced into the marriage.” or “Why the date is decided by starts?” or “Is your marriage an arranged marriage? Do you both really get along well?”
Look at the video below, Indian groom crying during an arranged marriage. Isn’t it LOL!!!
Criticize the food
Indian’s love their food. No, matter where Indians go they do not want to miss the Indian food. That’s the reason they say Indian restaurants can be found even on moon. Again start the topic in a casual way – say that Indian food only looks good, but is spicy & greasy and very expensive for no reason. Slowly, raise the heat now – grin that the food is makes their bodies emit foul smell and makes Indians stinky.
Greasy Indian Bread. Photo Source
Talk bad about Bollywood
After cricket, Indians are passionate about their movies. Yup, go to a multiplex and find a ticket to any random Indian movie. While the movies starts, bring your mouth to work – start complaining about things like – all the movies run on the same story line, that the movies are illogical, that the dressing is no match to what Indian dressing is really like or grumble about the unnecessary song and dance sequences that appear at inappropriate times. The Indians will no wonder start a counter argument, that the Indian movies are best among the best in the world.
The most famous actor in Bollywood. Photo Source
More ways to piss off an Indian –
- Go to a person peeing on the street and ask whether peeing in public is a national timepass or is it a national pride.
- If the person is from the south of India, talk about their lack of Hindi speaking skills though its the national language.
- Go to a temple and inquire how animals (like cows and monkeys), trees and rocks became Gods.
- When someone speaks in English say “Wow, people in India can speak English”, but make fun about their accent.
- Tell them that everyone in the west thinks Indians are like Slumdog Millionaire.
- Ask whether they eat beef (especially a person belonging to Hindu religion will get offended).
- Eat with your left hand or stamp on book or paper(even books and papers are Gods).
This is the first post in the series, how to piss off a person from {fill in with the country name}. Next time, we will tell you how to piss off a person from Vietnam.
Featured Image Source – https://www.flickr.com/photos/elysepatten/4344680325
Disclaimer – This article is fictional in nature and not intended to hurt anyone in anyway.
